at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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