I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
