We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
false alarm, still single
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
