if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize