What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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