the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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