i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize