I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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