My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
