Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
