Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
