We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
