Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
