we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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