she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
