i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
