I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Someone stole a lamp last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
