btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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