): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
