she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
