I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
our cab driver is having phone sex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
