he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
