Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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