i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
