I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
