After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
