in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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