I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
