We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
