Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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