idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
