she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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