oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize