You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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