Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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