I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
