there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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