Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
