the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's get the cat blown out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
