All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
