I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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