my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My vagina just clenched in fear
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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