so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
