it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
