Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
