Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
