She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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