Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Randomize