People in love make me want to vomit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
