Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dick very happy bro
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
