youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
