i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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