I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
