Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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