I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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