I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
