I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
