You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
