my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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