Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
