Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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