We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize