Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
