i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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