There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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