I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
