Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
