I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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