i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
