omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
