God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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