Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
