from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
