Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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