your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
