i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
