I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
